Recovery from Depression

“...It’s like the world around me is darker somehow – that’s the worst part for me … I walk out of my house on a sunny day, but I’m deep in a shadow that follows my every move. And all my thoughts are dark, all my options seem dark.”

"Is this depression? Or am I just in a funk? I go into the restroom at work and cry … and I don’t even know why… ”

“After we broke up, especially for the first weeks, I was so angry and hurt … but now I can hardly move; everything is a colossal effort.”

“The worst part is that I can’t enjoy anything. I’m all numb. Now, nothing interests me – and that’s not me. I really feel like just giving up. And that’s not me!”.

What is depression?

Depression is a complex nervous system response that temporarily coats our core emotions in ... sludge.

We humans have a handful of powerful core emotions, each with a vital reason for being.

Joy

Sadness

Anger

Fear

Disgust

Surprise

Think of them as the primary colors of the inner landscape. Whether vivid or muted, they organize our moment-to-moment experience, orient us to the world, draw our attention to what’s really important for us. They help us know what to reach for, and what to beware. Without them, we’re lost.

Clinical depression cuts our connection to these core emotions, and distorts them. Some feelings now cast enormous shadows, while others vanish altogether. The zombie feelings move in: sadness becomes blinding gloom, grief – a howling void, fear turns to dread, joy is completely blacked out. Anger meant for others takes a U-turn and attacks us from behind.

One thing depression is very good at: it makes us feel very alone. Coping with depression in this state of aloneness robs us of our aliveness, perspective, and connection to the world around us. We may not be thinking very clearly, either: our capacity to reflect, evaluate, invent, and plan does best when it rests on clear, open access to our core emotions. A disconnect from our true feelings leads to distorted thinking – and distorted thinking fills our days with miserable mind-games.

Sometimes the trigger to depression is overt: a loss, a transition, an illness, the memory of trauma. Sometimes it’s not clear. In rare cases, it’s purely medical. In all cases, though, clinical depression involves problematic beliefs about ourselves and our place in the world, just below the surface of awareness, that set off and perpetuate the syndrome.

To a degree, dealing with depression is part of life, like the flu. Like the flu, it can be mild and self-limiting, or prolonged, disabling, and potentially deadly.

The good news: No matter how bad you may be feeling at the moment – or how bad you’re feeling about how bad you feel – you have an innate capacity for self-righting and healing: Resilience. It’s the nature of depression to make us doubt our own resilience. In depression counseling: we harness it.You set the pace, I guide, and we find our direction together.

When coping with depression energy and motivation are in short supply; it may require tremendous effort to get dressed, pull it together, and reach the office of someone who can help. Tending to focus only on the leaden feeling of this effort, a depressed person may not recognize the actual vitality present within it! So our very first task is to connect to the reality of this spark of energy.

Patients are often surprised to experience a flicker of life, hope, and enlivenment in a first session. And positive actions arise naturally, in time, from reconnecting to authentic feeling.

To get a sense of what depression counseling is like, have a look at My Approach.

Perhaps you have a few questions. Fire away! Skeptics especially welcome.

Well, this sounds good, but ...I’m afraid that if I open up I’ll feel worse.

Excellent point – this is why I am very attentive, not only to what you say, but to the little nonverbal gestures that accompany what you say. A little rise of the eyebrow, or a downward twitch of the corner of your mouth may express something you might be feeling … or not fully aware of feeling. By attending together to your moment-to-moment experience, we are able to notice “emotional distress signals” or anxiety they arise – before “feeling worse” takes hold. We get to slow down this process, bring it to a halt, and notice what triggered the shift. In this way, we are able to stay at a working distance from flooding distress.

What about cognitive behavioral therapy? Or mindfulness-based therapy? I was told this works best.

I integrate mindfulness-based techniques into depression treatment to help people turn towards their feelings, increase the capacity to focus, and get “unstuck.” These techniques create helpful handholds in your day – especially as you get through the first several weeks. Cognitive behavioral therapy has its uses; however, it omits the emotional component that, (according to the emerging neuroscience, and in my clinical experience), most swiftly and surely reconnects us to reality, and to ourselves.

Maybe I’m just a sad person. I’ve always been like this. I’ve been depressed many, many times.

Perhaps you have been sad for as long as you can remember...and yet, you’re reading this page. Something may be telling you that your sadness is not preordained. Perhaps you want to experience your life differently. Perhaps you believe that nothing like this sadness can ever change.

How might you find out whether this is so?

If you are curious about what’s been making you sad for so long, an initial consultation with a therapist can help guide you to the most important questions to ask yourself. So that you can wonder more wisely, “Can my sadness change?” Then, you can make an informed decision about whether to try therapy.

Maybe this will just blow over.

Sometimes clinical depression is relatively self-limiting; if you are in the early stages, it makes sense to see whether you’re able to clear a path to well-being without treatment. (And – self-treatment – using your own life-wisdom and experience to heal – is treatment!) The problem is that when depression deepens, it's harder to mobilize the energy for getting help.

If you feel your depression is deepening, there is wisdom in consulting with a therapist; in my experience, this is a “pivot point” where a consultation can be most helpful and fruitful. In this “zone,” you have access both to energy, and a sense of what it is that’s increasing your momentum “down.” It’s a kind of “sweet spot” for effective depression treatment.

When dealing with depression, taking the first steps toward therapy can involve summoning energy and motivation when these are in short supply. I appreciate the enormous effort it takes to trawl through websites and consider options.

You’ve come to the right place: a place within yourself. You may be uncertain about change, but you’re reaching for it.

Healing from depression means sitting with someone we trust to clear a safe space for us – washing away the sludge together, and restoring connection with the feelings underneath.

Beneath that layer of sludge you – the real you – is intact and untarnished.

This page gives a pretty reliable sense of me – how I think, how I work, and even how I sound. If it resonates with you, so may my approach.

Any questions?

Feel free to call me at 917-446-1683, or contact me here.

I provide a free consultation by phone or HIPAA-secure video platform.